Pokémon: 'Team Rocket Performance Evaluations'

Inside scoops on Pokémon’s premier bad guys.

☆ NintendObs Weekly – Monday, March 26, 2018 – Sunday, April 1, 2018.

Pokémon

Team Rocket Performance Evaluations

Confidential information from Team Rocket HQ.

April 01, 2018

This article remains from a website takeover by Team Rocket on April 1, 2018. The views expressed in this article are solely the opinions of Team Rocket and do not reflect the opinions of The Pokémon Company International or any affiliated companies.

The information contained in this document is confidential and should not be shared with anyone but Team Rocket executives and Giovanni.

Celadon City Rocket Hideout

Performance Review: Rocket #63084

Rocket #63084 set himself apart from most Rockets in this hideout by putting himself in a position to succeed. Intruders were sure to be confused by the strange movements of the puzzle just before encountering his position on B3F, providing a perfect opportunity to strike.

While this Rocket was targeting addled Trainers, his Pokémon were trained to score knockouts. He deployed both the fierce Rattata and Raticate, which were approved for use by Rockets because their devastating Hyper Fang attack is available even at low levels of experience. It isn’t clear why this Rocket chose to send out his Drowzee last—its Confusion would have been better suited to initiating battle.

He provided minimal assistance to the intruder when defeated, coughing up the third-lowest prize money at this facility. He may be due for increased compensation.

Overall Performance Rating: C (Meets Expectations)

Performance Review: Rocket #28387

This Rocket was given a simple assignment: don’t draw attention to yourself, keep your cool, and protect the Lift Key. All he was expected to do was gracefully accept his inevitable defeat on B4F and allow any intruders to walk off—without helping them proceed.

This task proved far too difficult for him. Not only did he fail to protect the Lift Key, he drew as much attention to it as he could. What kind of fool would exclaim “Oh no! I dropped the LIFT KEY!” to a trespasser? It’s a good thing we didn’t give him a map of the hideout or he likely would have handed that over as well. An inquiry to ensure this agent isn’t working with the International Police is recommended.

Rocket #28387’s Pokémon—a Lv. 21 Zubat and Koffing—were at an average level for this facility and among the most common selections from Team Rocket’s list of officially sanctioned Pokémon. His nondescript team was meant to keep his profile low, and it performed as expected in battle: poorly.

Overall Performance Rating: F (Recommended for Redeployment)

Silph Co. Building

Performance Review: Rocket #97203 and Rocket #68337

These agents clearly learned from Rocket #28387’s Lift Key debacle. While it’s not clear why they didn’t simply pick up the Card Key, they were clever enough to hide it in a narrow chokepoint. They were also smart enough not to hide it somewhere fishy like the building’s top floor, and ensured the intruder would need to battle at least one of them. Faced with a warp panel or the prospect of battle, it would have been easy for the intruder to leave without the Card Key.

These Rockets seem to have spent less time planning how to make their stand than they did on where to stand. Each carried only a single Pokémon—one a Hypno and the other an Arbok. At least their Pokémon’s considerable experience helped make up for their small teams. Their Lv. 33 Arbok and Hypno tie for the highest-level Pokémon used by any Rocket other than Giovanni himself!

Overall Performance Rating: B (Exceeds Expectations)

Performance Review: Rocket #46383

Someone has to be the first to engage intruders in battle, and in the Silph Co. building, that task fell to Rocket #46383. This assignment went to the fledgling Rocket because it suited his Pokémon, but our deployment was undermined by his choice of position.

His lower-level Pokémon—Golbat, Raticate, and three Zubat—are adept at wearing down intruders. Zubat and Golbat have the potential to deal hefty damage even against more experienced foes through Confuse Ray and Supersonic, and Raticate’s Hyper Fang can make quick work of unwary foes.

Unfortunately, Rocket #46383 stood so close to the exit that he eliminated any chance of this strategy succeeding. Any intruder he adequately weakened was sure to retreat to Saffron City’s Pokémon Center and restore their Pokémon’s health before proceeding.

Performance Grade: D (Needs Development)

Roaming Rockets

Performance Review: Rocket #40897 and Rocket #90998

Rockets #40897 and #90998 stand out for their dedication. They reported back after their deployments to multiple strategic areas in the Kanto region—Mt. Moon, Lavender Town, the Rocket Hideout, and Silph Co. Engaging intruders only at the last possible moment at each location has put them among our best agents at maximizing their odds of success.

These Rockets have shown serious potential as Pokémon Trainers despite the time they spent travelling. Their Ekans, Koffing, and Meowth more than doubled in level between their first battle in Mt. Doom and their last at Silph Co., and Ekans and Koffing evolved into Arbok and Weezing. Crucially, their Poison-type Pokémon used attacks that could inflict status effects to weaken intruders, including Glare, Poison Sting Smog, and Sludge, just before they reached the boss.

Rockets #40897 and #90998 have been model agents despite their heavy workload.

Overall Performance Rating: A (Outstanding)

We will continue to monitor the productivity of these workers and re-evaluate in another 20 years.

Source: Pokémon.